As soon as Tim administered the Ketamine, my whole world just ... went. It simply left. There was no reality.
My body felt like it ripped into two individual pieces, the first part was my physical body laying prone on the ground, foot akimbo.
The second part was a metaphysical self, completely unnatural. I had no eyes to look out of, no ears to listen with, no voice to use and absolutely no idea what was happening outside to my real self. It was horrifying.
Everything went four dimensional, there were planes I could perceive and other planes happening that were sort of there but unperceivable - it was next level acid trip.
Fragments of sound flickered in the abstract sense and made no legible words, just sounds.
There seemed to be large rotating drums of colour whizzing around me, or maybe I was whizzing around them? I couldn't tell. It was loud.
I asked myself, 'can you speak?', no.
'Can you see?' I have no eyes, so no.
'Can you move?' I'm floating outside of my body with no physical connection to anything so I don't think so, I answered my metaphysical self.
'Can you breathe?'. I don't know, I have no mouth, so I don't think so.
'You must be dead.' I said unto myself.
'I think I just died.' I replied to metaphysical me.
'Calm down. Relax, don't panic. This is nice, it's peaceful here. Maybe there is a heaven. Is this it? This must be it.'
But panic crept in.
I wanted to go back, I wanted to leave this unnatural place, I didn't want to be dead. It wasn't over, I am too young, I had so much to see and do.
Flickers of words, parts of sounds, nothing made sense. I had a sensation of moving, but it felt really, really wrong. Then awful sounds of machines, big machines, grinding and boring into the earth. Where am I? What is happening?
I didn't know. It was beyond comprehension. I wasn't in pain but I didn't feel normal, at all.
I started to try and control myself but I couldn't. I couldn't move in a direction that I wanted to. I could hear water. Large waves crashing around me. Then wind, it was so powerful I thought it would sweep me up off the ground and into space.
Colours, lots of greys and blacks swept around me, all over me, pushing me this way, dragging me that way, more words but the words were split into jumbled syllables that didn't make sentences. Women, men, grave sounding words without meaning.
Monsters. There were monsters everywhere, big hairy ugly monsters making horrible unintelligible noises, they were coming for me like in a dream but I couldn't move and I couldn't fight them. They were going to get me. This was my real life horror movie.
The landscape changed. Suddenly it seemed like a dessert, vast spans the hues of the dessert, browns and greys looming up to swallow me then receding back into the distance, I floated unable to return to my body. I couldn't speak or move or do anything that I wanted to do. This, whatever it was, was happening to me and I had no control of the journey or the outcome.
I floated off into a sea of whirring burring colours and sounds and let them take me with them into another place. I wasn't scared.
Then it cleared up a bit and I felt as if I had been loaded onto a carriage and it was taking me somewhere. It was quieter, less scary. More peaceful.
'You are dead now, there is nothing you can do. This is limbo. See what happens'. I tried to calm myself. I vividly remember that bit. I honestly thought I had died right there. It was over. All for a two minute blast on a dirt bike.
Then I submitted to the unconscious and everything went black.
...
...
Nothingness.
Comments