Firstly, an apology of sorts. Sorry for not keeping you updated. There, that's that done.
Now, why I hear you ask? I just got sick of living in the festering hole of pain and I had, quite clearly from my last post, almost given up hope.
Hope that was reignited by Jasmine who came to visit while I was away travelling for the ISSF State Titles.
That last post was December and I was pretty fucked up. Dr S had given me the Exogen treatment machine and I did it religiously for 150 days, and then he told me he thought basically it had done nothing. That was at the end of February when he announced I was at about 20-30% bone union in the ankle and there wasn't anything else he could do.
That news alone sent me in a downward spiral. 20%? WTAF? Why? What had I done wrong? What else could we do? Nothing. Just go home, try to recover as best you can. Come see me if it get's too painful, he said.
It was already too painful. I couldn't believe it, but I put on a brave face, sucked it all up and just headed out the door to tackle the world with what I had, which wasn't; great let.
Mid-March rolled around pretty quick and I took off for the ISSF State Titles in Yackandandah. It's about 3.5 hours from my place and I was really looking forward to the competition, but I was kidding myself about the pain. It was fucked. Every micro movement felt like I was breaking bones that were trying to heal up.
That's when Jasmine rocked up at my Hotel confronted with where I was at with my recovery. She hadn't seen me for almost 12 months and I think in hindsight I had been keeping it pretty quiet and she just thought that I had fully recovered.
She found me barefoot lying on my bed with my leg stuck up in the air, trying to get some kind of relief without relying on pain killers because I had to compete which meant I had to be drug free to shoot. But I was a mess.
It wasn't good, and I can imagine it must have been quite a shock for her but to me it just felt like my new normal.
She went off like a firecracker. "What the fuck? What's wrong? Why are you in so much pain still? Have you seen an Orthotist, a Pain Clinic, have you done any physio?" She prodded.
No, no and no I replied.
Now Jasmine is an academic, so when she does a deep dive into something she goes real deep. And she had broken her foot in a silly accident maybe nine months after my accident. We laughed about it at the time, but she recovered so much quicker than I did, because she is young and healthy. And she did a LOT of research about broken feet and had a lot of research under her belt that I didn't know about.
Her shock took me by surprise, but in a good way because she forced me to think about what I was doing for MYSELF instead of relying on what the specialist was telling me.
She told me I had to advocate for myself.
She had found some information about a hybrid orthotic prosthetic device that had changed lives of people with similar injuries. And she insisted I speak with or at least have a consult with a Pain Clinic because they are specialists in recovery and acute injury. And she insisted I speak to an Orthotist.
It was the slap upside the head I needed.
After the ISSF State Titles I got home with a determination to get better help, different help and to investigate options.
Which is exactly what I did.
I found a Pain Clinic.
I found an Orthotist.
I went to see my GP and I got written referrals to see both of them. Then I called the TAC and told them what I was doing and would they fund it, and they responded absolutely, yes.
Within a very short timeframe I had a new plan.
I had appointments with two new Allied Health Professionals and shit was happening again. Despite Dr S and his refusal to do or offer anything else.
First up - the Orthotist. I had, actually Jasmine had found a place called The Hanger Clinic and they fitted hundreds of their special brand of orthoses that helped people with sever injuries such as mine to live a normal life again. The catch? They were in the United States. But I wrote to them anyway and started doing my application to go, it seemed that good.
It was going to cost an arm and a leg and the TAC insurance wouldn't fund any of it, but I had an appointment coming up shortly with a similar clinic here in Melbourne so I put a trip to the States on hold until after I could see what the Melbourne clinici thought.
Turns out, I found a really experienced and excellent senior Orthotist who also had a guy who had studied to be a Prosthetist. So with that combined professional advice on board they took a look at me trying to walk, at first in shoes, then barefoot and then they stuck me in one of their special moonboots. Without the moonboot I could barely stay conscious with the pain trying to walk. With the moonboot I could walk just about normally. It made no sense to me. But it made perfect sense to them.
They told me that with the lack or slow union, that I was suffereing from the pain of micro-movements in my ankle as I put weight on it. With the lack of union the bones are still kind of spongey for want of better words and it really wasn't doing much for my chances of full union and recovery.
But there was hope. They knew about the Hanger Clinic solution and they felt they could make me a custom orthotic called an Ankle Foot Orthoses which sort of replicated the moonboot but in a much finer way so that I could wear it with shoes and jeans and you wouldn't know I was wearing it.
It took a couple of weeks, they had to take a cast of my leg, then design and make an AFO from hardened resin and then fit me up.
April 5 was the day that it got fitted and everything changed for the better.
The AFO changed everything. Fitting and wearing it, I walked out of their office like a normal man. I could not believe it. I was in shock. I walked out and felt normal for the first time in two and a half years. It was a total revelation.
The AFO is a full half leg cast that goes around my calf and all the way down to my ankle and then a foot plate runs the full length of my foot but it allows the forefoot to flex and my toes to make contact with the ground while also helping with propulsion.
It's a game changer. I started out pretty embarrassed about it, but over the next few weeks I kind of bonded with it, it was my crutch, my crutches, my new moonboot, my saviour.
I started wearing it out while in shorts so that people could look at me all they liked - I didn't care. Quite fascinating how many people will stare at you when you have something like this assisting you with life, I can only imagine how amputees feel on a daily basis going about their business. People gawk. Kids point, some make fun of you, others think you're not disabled enough to use disable parking. Like I said, confronting.
But I had zero fucks to give. I could walk without pain.
This simple device was changing my life for the bettter. I could walk without pain so I started going to the shops more, I started walking Bonnie twice a day, I could wash my car, I could go back to work, and most importantly I didn't need Targin or Endone or OxyContin anymore. I wasn't in the same kind of pain.
About two weeks after it was fitted I also about to start treatment with the Pain Clinic. They had a multi-disciplinary approach to treatment which involved a very stategic way to tackle rehabilitation and physio. I was going to see the Physio twice a week and have an appointment or consultation with their Pain Specialist Doctor and then a weekly catch up with a Psychologist.
It started very slowly with basic exercise including calf raises, step ups and some free weights while standing up.
I also decided to get an Apple Watch to help me with tracking my exercise, see how many steps I was taking daily etc.
The next few weeks were quite simply, amazing.
The foot got stronger and stronger and during physio I started to use my wasted left foot again, slowly but surely.
And I got off opioids altogether which was very fucking trying and quite honestly a really horrible experience but oh-so-worth-it.
Within a few weeks I started to realise just how right Jasmine was, and just how wrong specialists, even highly paid and respected surgeons could be.
In what feels like a few short weeks I have gained so much of my confidence back, my independence and a huge leap forward in mobility that it honestly shocks me.
Two weeks ago, I walked a total distance of 40 kms in one week! And that doesn't include all the physio, hydrotherapy and gym work I now do. 40kms!! Amazing.
This last week as I sit writing you, I have walked 56 kms in one week. And very little severe pain to speak of.
My main problem now is Hammer Toes plus nerve pain, that burning tight feeling in the forefoot takes over at night but with help from the new Pain Doctor I have a new drug protocol that doesn't involve any opioids.
That helps a lot, and he also believes that my toes can be 'released' by a podiatric surgeon who specialises in this kind of thing. They may even be able to do something about the nerve pain. So that is all booked in and towards the end of June I will find out what she thinks of my chances at releasing my toes.
I'm exercising every day, going to the gym and smashing more and more weights than I have ever done in my entire life, walking 50kms a week, practising my target shooting twice a week and working two full days on the weekend, just like a normal person.
A normal person with a limp.
A normal person with a tonne of resilience, a healthy sense of humour and a new appreciation for life.
Life is short, grab it by the horns and wrestle that best to the ground... no one is going to advocate for you. I had to learn that the hard way.
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